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The Method (excerpt) OFFSTAGE VOICE Ladies and gentlemen! Thank you, thank you from us all, for the tribute of your attention this evening. This is the end of our show. Please do not reveal the mysteries you have seen here tonight to your friends or family – the average mind simply could not deal with what you have seen. The exit is there to your left, and I hope you all have a pleasant evening. LORETTA I don’t believe I like the way that ends. "Have a pleasant evening." It doesn’t have enough zing, don’t you think? JAKE Hard to say. (SCOTT has entered and stands off to one side.) LORETTA Maybe I should speak to him. After all that business with "the average mind," there’s the place to end. "Have a pleasant evening" is too weak. (she waits for a response, there is none) Well, that was a better crowd than we had last show. (she stands up) I swear, getting conversation out of you is like squeezing blood from a stone. JAKE Can be. (they laugh) LORETTA When you have a moment, could you hand me my cane? (Jake looks up to find it, and Scott takes another step in to be seen.)
JAKE Kid, the show’s over. (he hands Loretta her cane) The exit is that way. SCOTT No, I was waiting ... LORETTA Did you want something? Was there someone here you wanted to see?
SCOTT I ... um, well ... LORETTA You don’t have to be shy. I won’t bite you. SCOTT Yes, ma’am. I was – that is ... (he looks over at Jake) LORETTA Oh. Jacob, this one is for you. JAKE What do you want? SCOTT Well, I mean, about the sword act ... JAKE Yes? SCOTT I’ve never seen anyone who could do some of the things you did! JAKE You think it was a fake, right? You want to see the swords fold up into their handles or however I’m supposed to be cheatin’ this time? SCOTT I don’t know what you mean. JAKE The Great Orstini does not use fake swords! (he picks up a sabre, sticking it into the ground at Scott’s feet) See for yourself! Isn’t that what you wanted? SCOTT (he picks it up by the blade) No – I want to learn to swallow swords. What you do. LORETTA Oh, I knew it. I can see these things a mile away. JAKE I didn’t catch your name. SCOTT Oh. Scott ... sir. JAKE Well, Scott – get your hands off that before I knock them off. Never pick up a sword by the blade. (he takes the sabre and walks away) SCOTT I didn’t mean to make him mad. LORETTA He’s had a lot of trouble with the audiences here. Some towns just don’t go for an act. SCOTT But he’s incredible! I saw this show last year, and – you weren’t here yet – LORETTA I just joined this show last spring – SCOTT And I’ve seen plenty of sword swallowers. Most of them, they all seem so phony. But he – he’s an artist!
JAKE (turns around, comes back) You wanted a little demonstration, close up? My throat’s rough, but I could do that before you go home. SCOTT Oh, sure, of course, but – (Jake wipes the sabre down and prepares to swallow it) I’m not going home. I want to stay here – I want you to teach me. JAKE I can’t. This isn’t some magic trick you can learn in a minute. It’s plain hard work. SCOTT I can work. JAKE Loretta, can you talk to – LORETTA Don’t you have somewhere to go home to? It’s getting late. SCOTT I’m not going back. I want to join the carnival – I want to do what you do. JAKE Do you think you’re the first kid to ask to join up after a show? Every lot we play, there’s one or two. And every one of them, we send right back home. SCOTT You don’t understand ... this is my chance. I can’t go back. JAKE Well, you can’t stay here. SCOTT Why? If there’s no secret, why can’t I be a sword swallower? JAKE You want to know why? (he grabs Scott’s hand, leading him through the following) Put both these fingers in your mouth – the index and the middle. Push them far back. Further. (Scott gags) Feel that? That’s your throat fighting exactly what a sword swallower needs to do. It takes months, tripping that a dozen times a day, to wear it down. Even if I wanted to teach you – and I don’t know you from Adam – you’d have to ride out those months first. What are you gonna do until then? (he turns, gathering his swords together) You all right, Loretta? LORETTA Yes, I’m fine. JAKE I’d better get these put away. (he exits) LORETTA I’m sorry, Scott. Heaven and earth may move, but not Jacob Orstini. SCOTT It’s okay, ma’am. I just – LORETTA Call me Loretta. SCOTT This is just what I’ve been waiting for since – since forever. I can’t go back. Maybe I can get a job with one of the games, or something. Maybe things will change. LORETTA No! I can’t let you be taken in by those roustabouts! SCOTT Miss Loretta? LORETTA You’ll just have to stay and work for me. I could use someone to help me around, do little chores and so on. SCOTT You mean it? Really? LORETTA Jacob won’t like it, but it’s not like I’m promising you anything. You know that. SCOTT I know ... I just want a chance. LORETTA That’s between you and him. I’m only interested in what’s between you and me. SCOTT Whatever you say. LORETTA Well, for now you can help me back to my trailer. (he takes her arm, and she chats as they walk) It’s just out back. Barely enough to turn around in, especially for me ... but it’s home. Now, I may need just a bit of help with this dress – oh, don’t blush, I’m not going to take it off in front of you. But I’ll need someone to unhook me ... (they exit and the scene ends)
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