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Godzilla on Sundays (excerpt) KADIN (sighs, takes a drink) Let’s just watch a movie or something. I rented a movie for tonight. (he holds up a VCR tape case) DALE Kadin, you dog. You didn’t. I’m almost a married man. KADIN Well, it’s traditional. (throws him the tape case) DALE Don’t tell Cecilia about this. (he reads the cover and grins) Godzilla Vs. Megalon! God, that’s supposed to be one of the worst ones! KADIN Believe me, it is. DALE How do you know? Have you been holding back on me? KADIN I bought it weeks ago, doofus. DALE (opens the case) Where’s the tape? KADIN In the VCR, where do you think? DALE Okay. Where’s the remote? (Kadin holds it up) Gimme! Gimme! KADIN (holds it up out of reach) I don’t know ... I think you’re too drunk to be in remote control. DALE Give me the remote! Or else ... (he looks around, grabs the Godzilla toy) ... or else the monster gets it! KADIN Take it easy there. You don’t want to hurt that monster. Just hand him over ... DALE Give me the remote! KADIN Give me the toy. DALE Give me the remote! KADIN Hand over the toy first. DALE (a la Raiders of the Lost Ark) No time to argue. Throw me the idol, I’ll throw you the whip. KADIN (laughing, sets the remote down) Freak. You realize that makes me Indiana Jones, and you die in the next scene. DALE Damn. Well, I’ll change roles. (picking up the remote, doing accent) Dr. Jones. Again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away. KADIN And that’s when I pull out the pistol and just shoot you. DALE That’s okay. As long as I win. KADIN Bastard. You always win. DALE (starts the tape) Ah, Godzilla. If I only I had that suit to wear tomorrow. It was my first choice, you know. KADIN And? DALE Cecilia vetoed it. KADIN Who’d have thought. Oh, you have to rewind it. DALE Damn you. (He hits another button on the remote, and for a moment or two there is silence.) DALE You know, I fully expect W-A-Y to be broadcasting these again within two weeks of your getting there. KADIN Because all major television stations allow their interns to make programming decisions. DALE Well, how can they be denying the kids of today classic monster cinema? It’s a tragedy. KADIN I’ll do what I can. That’s the whole reason I’m entering the industry, to bring the finest in men in rubber suits to our children and our children’s children ... (Dale puts his hand over his heart and hums the National Anthem.) ... to raise awareness of the tragic plight of Japanese boys in short pants named Kenny – DALE Their pants are named Kenny? KADIN Yes. All those times you thought the mothers were worried about their kids? They were actually calling out to their brutally short pants. DALE That does explain all of the “Kenny, look out!” Okay, I think we’re at the beginning. (They settle in to watch the movie. Some of the beginning dialogue may be heard.) DALE Ah, back then Japan was a troubled nation. The nuclear testing, the giant monsters ... KADIN I figure that’s why it took so long for them to enter the global economy. I’m sure they spent years rebuilding. (parroting the dialogue) “Even on far-away Monster Island in the South Pacific ...” DALE ... Godzilla was really, really, really pissed. And who could blame him! Those explosions shouldn’t have vented to the surface like that, even at the epicenter. KADIN Geology nerd. DALE Comm nerd. No wait, that’s being redundant. Intern. No wonder you brought me coffee. KADIN And meanwhile, in Japan, we have a small boy in peril. DALE What else? Maybe this time, Godzilla will finally eat the little twerp. (pause) Quick, Kenny, catch this piece of kite string! It will save you! KADIN Ah yes, Kenny and Godzilla. You know, it predated “Davey and Goliath” by almost a decade. DALE (in a dopey voice) “I don’t know, Kenny. Mom wouldn’t like you running off like that.” KADIN (in a young-boy voice) “Aw, shucks, Godzilla. We have to find out where my baseball went!” DALE “Ohh, Kennnnnnny.” (watches movie for a minute) I suppose even Godzilla and Kenny had to grow up and move apart. KADIN I’ll be back in nine months. DALE Oh, once you’ve seen the bright lights of New York City, you’ll never come back. (pause) Who are these guys you’re staying with again? KADIN Just some friends of mine, from this gaming group online. DALE I’m sure they’re all stalkers just waiting to take advantage of your girlish charms. KADIN (giggles girlishly) I told them I’m really eighteen, I just look younger in my photos! (they laugh) DALE Okay, that just freaks me out. KADIN They’re good guys. And it’s the only way I could afford to live there. DALE Yeah. You don’t miss a chance to work at the greatest television station in the world. Just don’t let those city women lure you away from our quiet country life. Actually, that doesn’t sound half bad. You need a roommate? KADIN You’re gonna have all the roommate you need, after tomorrow. That’s better than anything I could offer. DALE You want her? Kidding! I kid because I love. But seriously, when you get married, it’s rubber suits all around. KADIN Don’t hold your breath. DALE (watching the movie again) Easter Island? KADIN Yep. This is when it gets really squirrelly. DALE Fast forward to the fight. That’s the best part anyway. KADIN No doubt.
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